1. Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin lashed out on Saturday against members of the Republican party who agreed to end the government shutdown. Palin said, “Government works better when there are less people involved, look how efficient Alaska has been since I resigned.”
2. Over the weekend, Twitter’s chief financial officer, who was responsible for the company’s recent public offering, said his overriding goal was to avoid becoming the next Facebook. “Be careful what you wish for,” said MySpace.
3. According to a new study from Detroit, the nicer the neighborhood sidewalks, the more active people tend to be. I don’t know about that, there seems to be a whole lot of running on “Cops.”
4. World number one golfer Tiger Woods said he thoroughly enjoyed playing in the inaugural Turkish Airlines Open over the weekend, but refused to commit to attending the event next year. Said organizers of the event, “We read you loud and clear, more whores next year.”
5. On Friday, CEO Richard Branson went on the Today Show to announced that he has come to terms with NBC to broadcast the inaugural flight of his Virgin Galactic Spaceship rocket plane into space. Reportedly NBC agreed to the plan once Virgin guaranteed Ann Curry a one-way ticket for the trip.
6. A Texas company says it has made the first metal gun using a 3-D printer. The company has also developed an incurable form of super-AIDs, posted everyone’s social security number online and had sex with you sister.
7. Neuroscientists have taught monkeys to control a pair of virtual arms using only their thoughts. Scientists say the hardest part was making the virtual feces look realistic.
8. Newly re-elected New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, widely considered a potential 2016 presidential candidate, on Sunday declined to say whether he would serve out his full four-year term as governor. Said Christie, “When you look like me, you avoid making plans too far into the future.”
9. According to a new study, toddlers who continue to use bottles beyond 12 to 15 months of age tend to be overweight. But maybe they wouldn’t hit the bottle so hard if you stopped calling them fat.
10. Police in St. Petersburg, Florida have arrested a 15-year-old girl who they say sent several hundred threatening texts to three other 15-year-old girls. No word on who will replace her, while she’s in custody, as the starting right guard on the Miami Dolphins.
